Editorial: Being Friendly
Being
friendly may not occur to us as a spiritual virtue we should develop in
Christ. At best we may rank it well
below faith, holiness and love and consider its practice not of the same
importance as Bible reading, meeting attendance and prayer. Yet there are seven apostolic instructions
that we should greet one another in a friendly manner.
Apostolic
instructions:
“Salute one another with an holy kiss” (Rom. 16:16)
“Greet ye one another with an holy kiss” (1 Cor. 16:20)
“Greet one another with an holy kiss” (2 Cor. 13:12)
“Salute every saint in Christ” (Phil. 4:21)
“Greet all the brethren with an holy kiss” (1
Thess. 5:26)
“Salute all them that have the rule over
you, and all the saints” (Heb.13:24) “Greet ye one another with a kiss of
charity” (1Peter 5:14).
The
New King James has “greet” for
“salute” in Romans, Philippians and Hebrews, thus translating the Greek aspazomai in a consistent manner.
Be
friendly
We
may read the five references to “kiss” and feel the instruction is to avoid
sensual kissing when greeting brothers and sisters. Furthermore, we may feel the “kiss” is a
standard greeting in the Mediterranean world but not in our society. Those two points may be true, but they do not
cancel out the primary point, “Greet one another” in a friendly manner. (Whatever the custom of our society, we
should not underestimate the warm fraternal affection a pure and godly kiss can
convey.)
Three
of the verses (Philippians, 1 Thessalonians and Hebrews) specifically include
mention of “every” or “all”. Evidently
the same challenge existed in the first century as exists today: we find it far easier to greet some people
than others. In that day, slaves would have much more in common with other
slaves and the same would be true with the masters. Jewish believers would tend to chat more
freely with other Jewish believers.
Tradesmen would have more in common with other tradesmen; young mothers
would congregate together to share their common experiences. But each person was to greet every other
person; there were to be no groupings of brethren who talked only among
themselves and ignored others.
Coming
from a variety of backgrounds and different walks of life, we, too, face the
challenge to be friendly with everyone.
While there are many exceptions, young people feel more comfortable with
those of their own age. It’s not hard
for the elderly to share various remedies to ailments typical of their
advancing years. Those in business have
an easy time visiting each other and parents of teenagers have lots to talk
about. But it takes a genuine effort to
make sure we are friendly to all segments of our ecclesial family.
We’re
far more likely to expend this effort if we realise it is an apostolic command
to greet “all” the brothers and sisters.
Great
principles involved
All
would accept the greatest principle governing our attitudes to one another is
that we are to love one another as Christ loved us. “By this shall all men know that ye are my
disciples” (John 13:35). None would deny that if we see a brother
lacking food and raiment, the principle of love insists we provide practical
help. Yet it’s pretty hard to claim we
love a brother if we walk by him as if he didn’t exist or manage always to be
so busily engaged with others that we never chat with him. Friendliness is a part of love.
Another
defining principle is that we are to serve our brothers and sisters as if they
are of higher status than ourselves.
“In lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves”
(Phil 2:3). More often than not, an
unfriendly attitude conveys the appearance of arrogance, as we may come across
as thinking we’re better than the other.
High-mindedness is directly opposite to the servant attitude we are to
have. Part of being humbly disposed to
others is to warmly greet them and to be as friendly toward them as is
possible.
Being
friendly is a direct apostolic command and is an obvious application of great
spiritual principles, but…
Excuses
abound
Our
most likely excuse is that we are not outgoing; we are shy, quite awkward about
greeting people. In many cases, this is
a legitimate problem perhaps requiring an unusual degree of effort and prayer
on our part to follow the apostolic command.
It is well to remember that every disciple has more difficulty with some
areas than others. The overtly anxious
person, for example, may have great trouble exercising patience, or the
depressed person being joyful, or the fearful person being faithful. If we are particularly shy, there are
self-help tips summarised in various secular articles, which we can find at the
library.
We
may be embarrassed because we readily forget names or have trouble knowing what
to talk about or fear we’ll get trapped into an extended conversation we feel
unable to handle. A lot of us have
these anxieties. Remembering names can
be a learned skill or we can cover for our memory loss the way others do with
ourselves, “Hi, how are you doing?” with a friendly smile usually
acceptable. Some people have a wonderful
knack for making pleasant conversation with almost anyone. Watch how they do it.
The
other person really doesn’t like me or care about me, we may reason. That could be true, but that’s their problem,
not ours. Let us greet them with a
greeting of charity and put a great principle into practice.
Frequently
at events we may find ourselves talking with our friends and feel so absorbed
we just can’t stop to greet someone else.
A nod of the head and warm smile will do as the other person can see our
situation. Or a touch of the arm or
fingers as we’re passing is certainly better than turning our head, completely
ignoring the other.
We may not be outgoing or gregarious,
but any of us can convey warm recognition with a simple smile if we work at it.
In fact, we must, because being
friendly is applying great spiritual principles as well as obeying specific
apostolic instruction.
An
issue for parents
Few children are naturally friendly on a
consistent basis. Some will be
unfriendly to virtually everybody while others will be friendly only when it
pleases them. The parent does them a
great favor if they are trained early on to be friendly to family and friends
in the meeting. Unfortunately, in
today’s world, a significant measure of caution must be exercised by children
to strangers, but that surely doesn’t apply towards those whom they know.
Years ago when my parents lived with us
in their own apartment, they brought to our attention that our boys never
greeted them. I was a bit annoyed at
the complaint until I realized that friendliness was a command which the boys
should be learning to obey in their youth.
Those parents who apply consistent, appropriate instruction do the
children a great favor for later years.
Visitors
among us
One of the most discouraging reports is
to hear from a visitor that he was ignored or coolly treated when he attended
one of our various functions. That’s
the way the publicans and sinners were treated by the Pharisees, but not by
Christ. He was called their “friend” not
because he approved of their practices but because he was genuinely concerned
for their needs.
Who
should we imitate, Christ or the Pharisees?
Necessary
behaviour
Being friendly is not something we’re
free to exercise when we’re in the mood and ignore other times, for we are not
called to be stand-offish, uncaring people.
We are called to be friendly to all the diverse members of the body of
Christ and to be people who are genuinely concerned with all people with whom
we come into contact. This is an
apostolic instruction and an application of the greatest principles of love and
humility.
Bro. Don Styles
